Pa Pa Pa Pokerface.

Song for the night.

The Man in the Mirror

Sadly, I am unhappy with the image I created for myself. I've been called a manwhore, skank, good juggler, and a flirt... basically all the things people would go brag about with their boys. Their reason being is because I interact with alot of girls (on facebook especially). Maybe I do talk to alot of girls but its nothing more than that and that's a reason why they interact back. It's in my efforts to be a good friend to everyone and be there for them when needed. Most of the times, it's women who needs help the most. Well maybe not, but I rather help women than men lol. You can say Im a man with a sense of humor and because of that, I receive alot of smiles from females which is quite heartwarming ;). But it gets difficult when it comes to them trusting me.

I woke up for work today, sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the mirror looking at my reflection. I'm tired of hiding a facial expression by putting on a fake smile throughout the day. Due to lack of trust, I've lost a really good friend. So I will drop my ego and let my heart write today. And today, it will admit that it's broken. Every time our friends asked about our situation, I would tell them "Everything's okay." But I swear... if my heart had a neck, it would try to strangle itself with it's arteries for every time I lied.

She was one of the main reasons why i was happy in general. As hard as I try forgetting about it, the presence of joy that was contagious, the laughter, and the hours spent late on the phone... I catch myself randomly thinking about those moments. I feel as if i lost a reason to smile.

Good thing there are plenty of other reasons to still smile =). I didn't write this note to win anything back. I just think bottling up things is unhealthy and the best way to deal with this is just by letting the heart cry... until it run out of tears to cry. And After, I will no longer cling onto that hope in a healthy relationship again. Things didn't end all that bad and Im glad that we are still friends. I'm pretty sure if I ever needed anything, she'd still be there for me. (I think lol)

I look back at the time and effort and the only thing left to say is "Oh Well!"



P.S.

I'm a man of many secrets. If you think that piece of life was a good read, you should see what else I'm capable of writing ;)

She's Following Me =X

And no! I'm not talking about twitter, bitches!

About 2-3ish years ago (when I was in a relationship with the ex-gf), we got into an argument and she left my house without getting the issue resolved. She dormed at Salem State College, so it takes quite awhile for her to go back and forth from Lowell (45ish mins). We had not talked or texted after, so I pretty much slept in a bad mood. I woke up in the middle the night... sensing someone at my door. It was my ex standing there with the door open. I got happy thinking it was sweet of her driving all the way down here to talk and at the same time I was tired. So the first thing I said was "Babe, what are you doing over there? Come over here and we'll talk about it tomorrow." I then press my face into my pillow trying to go back to sleep. Seconds later, she jumps on my back and I'm like... wtf? I take a look at the mirror located on the side of my bed. I then notice it wasn't her on my back. She disappears after. So I tell myself... crazy fucking dream.

I sleep with my stomach against the bed and my face into the pillow. But yea, last night I woke up sensing something in my room again. I moved since then, so this is completely different house ect. I suddenly feel something pressing against my shoulder blades causing pressure between me and my bed. I tell myself "I'm sore and tired from working out the day before. That's why I'm unable to move." Thirty seconds later, I'm still unable to move my body but I was able to budge my head enough to get part of my comforter off me so I can see what the hell was going on. I turn aside...

I see a woman crawling like a spider towards me. I'm finally able to move and I remember trying to yell but it barely came out. She disappears... I tell myself "Crazy fucking dream." I couldn't sleep after being spooked out like a little bitch. So I slept with my lamp light on lol. I woke up today asking myself "Did that really happen?" I then turn off the lamp I turned on last night and start off my day.

I sit at work thinking "Was that the same women as before and is this a dream or reality?" If it is reality, why is she doing this? Is it because I talk to too many girls? If so, try not disappearing every time I'm able to make movements so I can Bitch slap you, Jealous whore bag.



- TC